Don’t get me wrong. I’m not grousing. But I have found that I am usually expressing what everyone else is thinking. So, loosen the belts, ladies, and let it all hang out. I am.
I thought I’d end on a positive note, so I’ll start with:
7 THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING THE MOTHER OF A NEWBORN
1. I’m typing this thing with one hand. Do you know how long that takes? And I’ll give you one guess as to why. Yep. My little precious bundle is unsettled. It more than likely has something to do with her tummy or something in the vicinity of her bowels, but who really knows what goes on in the minds of newborns? For all I know she could be acting out that episode of Tom and Jerry that she saw recently.
2. Oh, so many diapers and projectile poop. That’s right. I said poop, not vomit. Those aforementioned bowels don’t settle for some months, and if you lift those little legs at the wrong time to change that diaper — atomic powered poop. Did I tell you about the time my son sprayed the wall AND the floor in the hallway? No? Some other time then. My one typing hand is getting tired.
3. The inescapable fact that you will be changing somebody’s clothes – either your own or the baby’s – several times a day.
4. That awful stench when you turn your head to the left or possibly the right and catch that unmistakable odor of spit-up. Even if you cleaned it off earlier. Scientists need to figure out how to make that stuff and blast that smell at terrorists holed up in some cave. They would surrender every time.
5. Being bound by the timing of breast feeding. Scenario #1: Can we go eat now? No, we need to wait until I finish feeding her so I won’t have to try to feed her in the restaurant booth. I don’t always have the room. Scenario #2: My husband literally hears a popping noise like that of a champagne cork as I pull my drowsy infant off of her human feeding tube, plop her in his lap and say, “Here, I’ve got to go get my hair cut before she needs to eat again.” I’m waiting for that day when I run out of the house and forget that I haven’t put my breast away. And ever popular Scenario #3: 4a.m.
6. Still being unbearably hot even though I’m not pregnant any more. I’m a warm natured person. So, carrying around an infant, usually in a sling, makes me uncomfortable warm to the point of sweating in most situations. She loves it. Snug as a bug in a rug.
7. There’s always somebody else that doesn’t get what they need from me. Husband, other children — they are all a bit neglected as I am either too tired, too irritable or too distracted to give them what they need.
Before anyone decides that it’s not worth it:
7 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BEING THE MOTHER OF A NEWBORN
1. Everything’s so darn cute. From the little clothes, to the little fingers, to the involuntary little smiles — it pretty much steals your heart. My oldest son used to laugh in his sleep. Awwwww.
2. When they try to open their eyes by waggling their eyebrows. Babies, apparently, know nothing about muscle biology.
3. That odd little bird-pecking-for-food-motion they do all over your body — even if that body belongs to daddy; because they are, indeed, looking for food.
4. The way they snuggle into you, most often into the curve of your neck. Even though it makes me hot, it feels just right.
5. Those surprise moments when you look down and realize they have been gazing at you, just simply studying your face. Even at such a young age, they want to know their momma.
6. That soft baby skin. This baby loves her baths. No wailing. Just enjoying the water. And she relaxes and stretches into my touch when I put her lotion on and snuggle her skin to skin.
7. There’s nothing like loving a child — even when they can give nothing back. It’s always worth it to love someone that much.