Do you know how much you are longed for, my love? Do you know how much I want you to know who you are, whose you are and why all of that matters? I never met your sister, and a part of my heart has longed since then to see a little girl who was a part of me. It wasn’t easy to carry you to life. I thought I had lost you, too, several months ago. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that. I wasn’t sure if my heart wouldn’t simply crack and never fuse again. My body has complained and hurt every month. But you are almost here. And as is usually the case with most profound blessings, I am deeply humbled to be offered the chance to be your mother — to guide you for a time and to love you for always.
Will you look like me or your daddy or one of your great grandmothers? Will you like to dance or garden or dream? Will you be good friends with your brothers? I hope so. I can already see how they will both be good men. Your oldest brother will love you from the start. I hope you realize how big and open his heart is. Your other brother will sometimes be grumpy but will be the most loyal person you know. I know this because he is enough like me to recognize certain things in him. It’s important to me that my children are friends with each other. Family can be some of the best friends for life.
My heart yearns for you to know Jesus, to grasp and never let go of your identity that lies in Him. Life can be cruel and vicious. I know because I’ve experience so much first hand. But my God takes the most vile of things and breathes a life into them that only He can create. It is through my realizing and then holding on to those words that Christ continually speaks over me – through His word and directly to my heart – that those ugly things that life has dealt me have a beauty that takes my breath away. Draw near to Him, little one. He truly is all you need.
I hope that you will feel safe with me and your daddy – that we will be a resting place for you when you need one. I pray that you see in us a reason to follow hard after God. I pray that the beauty of your character far outshines the beauty of your face. I hope that when people are cruel to you, that you allow God to cover their cruelty with His love and your own. I pray that you never look to others to define you or make you whole. Trust me when I say this only leads to inner turmoil and pain.
I know I will make mistakes as your mother. You will grow up with gaps or scars because of me, but I know in Whom I hope. God can fill those gaps for you. He can deal with your scars much better than I can. Know that I will do my best. I will love you with my whole heart. I will cheer you on. I will be in your corner and seek to understand and enjoy you just as you are. You are my daughter, and that means the world to me.