A Day in the Night of a Toddler

Taken directly from the must-have book for toddlers: How to Creatively Torture Your Parents

Almost 2 year old: I’ve had seven hours of sleep. I’m wide awake. Let’s go!

Me: It’s 3 a.m.

Almost 2 year old: blank stare with cute grin meant to bring about whatever his little heart desires

Me: Do you want to come sleep with mommy? (Thinking that at least I can lie down and keep him quiet as opposed to bending over his crib.)

Almost 2 year old: uh-huh. (He hugs me and pats my arms.)

What follows is not for the faint of heart. . . .

Almost 2 year old: I didn’t get enough of an ab workout today. I hear rolling around is good for that.

Me: By all means.

Almost 2 year old proceeds to tumble on the bed between his two parents, happily babbling and occasionally singing.

Almost 2 year old: What’s that on my toe?

Me: My ribs. And they aren’t going to bend; so you can quit poking at them.

Almost 2 year old: (happily) Okay! Oh, my feet just hit something hard.

Me: (sigh) That’s my face.

Almost 2 year old: You don’t mind if I lay on top of you do you?

Me: Well, if your little sister comes out with a funny shaped head, we’ll know why.

Almost 2 year old: (sitting up and patting both his parents) You’re both still there, right?

Me: Yes, honey.

Husband: zzzzzzzz

Almost 2 year old: (singing) La-la-la-la, La-la-la-la. Elmo’s World. . .

Husband: zzzzzz

Almost 2 year old: (singing) Twinkle, twinkle little star . . .

Husband: zzzzzz

6:30 alarm rings. Husband gets up. Toddler wails.

Me: You can not get up. You’ve got to try to sleep.

Almost 2 year old: (crying) But I’m not . zzzzzzzzz.


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